After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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