I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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