Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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