I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
