Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize