My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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