Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize