I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
