I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
