You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
