If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
