New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
