Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
