so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
