i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just high enough for therapy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
