I wish I could teleport
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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