Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
