you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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