I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
