omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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