I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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