its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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