mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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