To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
