I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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