I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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