Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
