when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
