So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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