My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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