wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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