I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
