giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
