it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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