My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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