In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
