everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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