I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My life is pants optional.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
