tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
