oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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