I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
These tits shall not be calmed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
