The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
