My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
