too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
