Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
