So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
