I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
