Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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