Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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