Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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