I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
