Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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