i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
