An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
