the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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