No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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