how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
