I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
