Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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