Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
