Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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