Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
