he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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