I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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