I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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