I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
